Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize