I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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