make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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