In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize