"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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