I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
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Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
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