im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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