i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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