i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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