The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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