if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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