He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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