I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize