if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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