you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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