So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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