Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize