I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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