As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize