Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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