I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
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u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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