The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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