I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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