I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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