She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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