I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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