It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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