I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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