I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came so hard my ears popped.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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