Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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