my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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