I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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