Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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