Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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