i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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