I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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