is your mom at the bar?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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