I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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