..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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