I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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