you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize