Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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