i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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