my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize