so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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