I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize