Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Shame - the story of my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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