I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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