No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
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Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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