I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize